sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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