the condom got lost in my hair
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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