is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize