he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
