After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
