I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
