I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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