So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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