i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
