I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
