I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
