party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
