It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
