I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize