you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
