dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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