Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
