Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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