how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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