5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
