You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
