do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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