I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
