I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
