guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
