Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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