Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
