She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
