Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If I die, sorry about rent.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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