My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
