Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize