Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I need to align my fucking chakras
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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