I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
