in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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