This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
