Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
