between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My bed smells like the plague
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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