She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize