He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
