What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
