I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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