I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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