Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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