Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
