craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
