Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm passing your future prison.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
