Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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