I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
