about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
