therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
