i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
