You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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