Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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