She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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