youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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