Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im six kinds of drunk right now
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
