i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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