I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
