oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
