No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
