When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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