I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
